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My Love….

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My All

B,

From silence I gather myself,

Accepting I may never hear from you again.

Kisses last sent my only company,

Memories filling my nights with dreams.

Content with the times we had,

Happy because I gave you my all

Then in an instant – you are back…

In the most surprising of ways

I’m in shock

My body paralyzed to the core

My world rocked….

For you – you my love

You

Have declared your love for me….

A love you always denied,

Because it can never be

But the words –

You could be singing this song straight to my heart.

I’m so broken right now…

I want to run…. to run from you… run from these feelings

Yet, run to you…. to hold you….

My world has fallen at my feet

And taken me with it

My very foundations shaking

Guilt, fear, love, beauty,

What has always been, is now no more – and

All the while… a small voice shouts from deep within

He loves you!  He really does love you!

I love you too B.

Its always about you. xx

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It’s Been A While

Dear B,

Its been a while… perhaps that means that everything has been as it should have.  Ebbs and flows in order, and the boat of this ‘us’ gliding along as it does.

Until now.

Until this week.

When you are gone.

I miss you.

Oh how I miss you!  I had forgotten how much.  It sometimes makes me fear for my future.  Because one day our time together will cease.  And I wonder how I will carry on.

Thank you for being you.  For loving me.  For including me in your complicated life.  I love you B.  Near or far, in life as I will in death.  When you stole my heart you stole it fully and completely.  Never to be recovered.  Never to allow anyone else in to our secret spot.  OUR secret spot.

I hope you are relaxing, enjoying the sunshine, the waves, the breeze.  I hope your mind is empty of all things stressful, and full of all things beautiful.

You may be away, but not from my heart.  For you are always there, consuming my thoughts, embracing my dreams.

Hurry up and come back.  Life is a lot less colorful without you.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say, and the longing deeper.  I cling to the day I am in your arms again.  It’s always about you B.

All my love…. xx

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I Need You

How are you today?  I missed you.  The problem with having extra of you means the absence is stronger when you are silent.

I wish I could talk to you every day.

I wonder how your day has gone.  I wonder what you are doing.

Are you thinking of me too?   Do you look at the stars and wish you could hold me?  Do you dream of having me close?

Sometimes the  distance tears me apart.  I’m no closer and no further away from you than I was three years ago.

You are still the one.  The one I need to quit thinking about.  The one I need to quit loving.

But I need you B.  I need all of you.  Every morsel.  Every moment.  Every day.  I love you B.  I missed you today.

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Girl On A Train

Oh B. Sometimes I get the sweetest of messages from you.  Like yesterday when you were on the train and saw a girl that looked like me.

Your words ‘it took my breath away’ are treasures to my ears.  Why?  Because so many years later and still the thought of being face to face with me makes time stand still for you.  I can still captivate you by being in your presence.

Oh B.  The moments we have shared.  They are treasures. I wish I was the girl on the train, but I always remain thankful for the moments that have taken our breath away 🙂

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My B.

Sometimes there are moments of perfection in our lives.  Because of circumstance we often find ourselves in a lonely place… and it is here we meet.  It is here we find a solace together.

Talking and listening.  Sharing and engaging.  There is a depth, a warmth.  It is two people who truly know each other.  Whose hearts are in touch and lives are entwined.  It’s two people who can discuss the issues and lighten it with laughter.  It’s two people who can feel the warmth from 3000 miles away and embrace the distance at the same time.

This is what makes us special.  We never gave up.  We never gave in.  We burned with desire and now we simmer with a longing we can never fulfill.  Yet through it all we have the most beautiful thing.

Friendship.  Deep, loving, and beautiful.

We go through all sorts of seasons, but this one I love the best.  And you B.  I love you. ❤️

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