It’s Been A While

It’s been a little sporadic, you and I.

I hurt you, and almost lost you.

But here we are.

Still friends.


I dreamt of you last night.

Holding me.

Wanting me.

But here I am.

Me over here and

You over there.

Some days I want to sleep

Because I find you in my dreams

Loving me.

Longing for me.

Whispering to my soul

Oh B.

You have broken me in places I don’t know could break.

And you healed me in places I didn’t know need healed.

Ask me if I’m ok…..

Because I always hide it

The truth is

I’m not.




Dear B,

I don’t understand you.  Truly I don’t.  It can’t be one way you know.  Not friendship.  Not loving.  Not caring.

Sometimes I just want to share ‘me’ with you… my response? Radio silence. I don’t get it.  It hurts.

Something happens and I tell you first… more radio silence.  I don’t understand.

I love you way more than I ever should.  But I often feel so alone.

I can share my life with everyone else and they can be excited for me, but it never matters unless it’s you.

I love you B.  It’s always about you. But maybe I am alone in that. 😦



Dear B 2018

Ahhh B…. If I could hold you in my arms and love you with my words I would.

If I could run away with you and forget the world I would do it in a heartbeat.

If the world would give me one more day with you, I would make memories, sweet, sweet memories.  Moments that would fill my mind with your love and my heart with your fragrance.

Oh B.  How I miss you.  The little bit I get is not enough.  I want you.  I need you.  I crave you.  I would give up everything for you.

I live my life empty. Void.  A hole only you can fill.  Oh how I love you still.

It may be a new year, but B…. it’s still about you.  My soulmate, my lover, my King.




My Love….


My All


From silence I gather myself,

Accepting I may never hear from you again.

Kisses last sent my only company,

Memories filling my nights with dreams.

Content with the times we had,

Happy because I gave you my all

Then in an instant – you are back…

In the most surprising of ways

I’m in shock

My body paralyzed to the core

My world rocked….

For you – you my love


Have declared your love for me….

A love you always denied,

Because it can never be

But the words –

You could be singing this song straight to my heart.

I’m so broken right now…

I want to run…. to run from you… run from these feelings

Yet, run to you…. to hold you….

My world has fallen at my feet

And taken me with it

My very foundations shaking

Guilt, fear, love, beauty,

What has always been, is now no more – and

All the while… a small voice shouts from deep within

He loves you!  He really does love you!

I love you too B.

Its always about you. xx


It’s Been A While

Dear B,

Its been a while… perhaps that means that everything has been as it should have.  Ebbs and flows in order, and the boat of this ‘us’ gliding along as it does.

Until now.

Until this week.

When you are gone.

I miss you.

Oh how I miss you!  I had forgotten how much.  It sometimes makes me fear for my future.  Because one day our time together will cease.  And I wonder how I will carry on.

Thank you for being you.  For loving me.  For including me in your complicated life.  I love you B.  Near or far, in life as I will in death.  When you stole my heart you stole it fully and completely.  Never to be recovered.  Never to allow anyone else in to our secret spot.  OUR secret spot.

I hope you are relaxing, enjoying the sunshine, the waves, the breeze.  I hope your mind is empty of all things stressful, and full of all things beautiful.

You may be away, but not from my heart.  For you are always there, consuming my thoughts, embracing my dreams.

Hurry up and come back.  Life is a lot less colorful without you.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say, and the longing deeper.  I cling to the day I am in your arms again.  It’s always about you B.

All my love…. xx