Letting Go…

let go

I often wonder why I can’t let you go.

Why I still have contact with you when I know it is over.

Why I still reach out to you…long for you… love you when it is impossible for us to be together.

Perhaps it is because you changed my life.  Forever.  In so many ways it isn’t even explainable.

Perhaps it is because you are my security.  You are my friend.  You are my rock.

Perhaps it is because you are the only man I have ever trusted completely.

Maybe it is the history we share, and the familiarity.  Maybe it is the fact that I hear in you occasionally a longing to see me too.

But more than that….

I don’t let go… I can’t let go…

Because…

In letting go,

I feel as though I am saying our time together meant nothing.

That what we had is dead.

And I can’t cope with that.  It makes us like every other couple that experience the same thing.  It makes us a mistake.  A bad decision.  It makes us something horrible, when what we had was in fact something so incredibly good.

So I hold on, because in holding on, I keep ‘us’.  The ‘us’ that can never be.  The ‘us’ that is forever changed.  The ‘us’ that was two amazing people, in love.

How do you let go when he beckons with every beat of your heart?

How do you let go when you are letting go of everything that holds you together?

I wish I knew the answer…. until I do –  I will continue to hold you in the depths of my soul.

My treasured love.

Its always about you B. ❤

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