You wish me a Happy New Year, and happiness. Did you know I was in a deep dream about you when you wrote it? Did you hear me whispering your name? Did you feel me touching your heart and breathing you in, losing myself in the depth of your eyes? Did you know? Did you feel me as strongly as I was feeling your presence?
My happiness is complete in you. It always has been. In the moments we are together I am the most honest and true and happy that I have ever been.
In you I find freedom. And love. And contentment. In those stolen minutes I found a man who gave to me without restraint. I found a man who touched not just my body, but my soul.
I found a man who loved me when I couldn’t see it, and a man who I let go for the greater good.
But it’s all about you B. I am who I am because of you. I miss you. And I long to be with you. To hold you. To touch you.
But you aren’t mine to have. So I settle for a friendship. Sometimes my heart wants to curl up and die a thousand painful deaths. Sometimes it wants to explode with the love it holds for you.
So thank you for your New Year wishes. I will do as I said, and as the fireworks go off, I will blow a wish your way, and say a quiet thank you for all you are, for having in my life even if I can’t openly love you, and I will fall asleep once more and dream a dream where I can be in your arms once more.
Happy New Year B. It’s always about you.